Duo Maxwell: The Buffy Fanatic?
by Mopox
Summary: Duo receives his long awaited CD and lets just say theres some Buffy musical numbers for the Gundam boys to endure...


bDUO MAXWELL: THE BUFFY FANATICp  
Duo paced back and forth as the morning sun tried to glimpse between the dusty red curtains of the Gundam boys current safehouse. The letterbox flapped open and a square-shaped package slid through and landed flatly on the rough doormat. Well, it would have landed on the doormat if the braided one hadn't leapt forward and dived for the package upon hearing the flapping letterbox. He brought the package to his face and a broad grin spread across his features and he immediately bounded up the stairs, skidded into his room and slammed the already-pretty-weak door.  
p  
Heero Yuy, thats right, that fancy pants 'Perfect Soldier' that everyone harps on about, raised an eyebrow as he heard the slamming of the door.br  
'Whos up this early on a Saturday morning, there isn't even a mission!?'br  
Heeros's question was answered with an enormous blare of music that sounded much like Broadway. A few seconds later, it was accompanied by several doors opening and a rather large shout of 'MAXWELL!'  
Heero carefully placed his 'ShnuggleBunny' teddy which he had been smoothering in a draw and went to see the commotion that had formed outside.  
p  
Wufei was pounding on Duo's door, wearing a red, silk bathrobe with a golden dragon embroidered on the back.br  
'MAXWELL! WHAT IS THE REASON FOR THIS...THIS..." Wufei found his favourite word "...INJUSTICE?!"br  
Leaning against a wall nearby was Quatre, of course, wearing pale pink pyjamas too large for him, and what with him dozing off, this made him look as adorable as ever. Trowa stood next to him, fully dressed and he nodded to Heero in greeting as he entered the hall.br  
"MAXWELL! ANSWER ME, YOU GIMBOID!" Wufei bawled, revved up for a full on battle. As Wufei raised his fist to knock, Duo hurtled out of his room, splattering Wufei against the wall.br  
Heero's, Trowa's and Quatre's (if he was awake) eyes widened.  
p  
Duo wore a pair of black jeans and a tight white top with two footballs stuffed up near the top of the chest. A black leather jacket adorned the white top and a black beanie adorned Duo's head; which was adorned with a blonde wig. (Adorning was Duo's hobby.)br  
A voice that certainly wasn't Duo's rang from his room, Duo's lips moved along.i"Every single nightbr  
The same arrangementbr  
I go out and fight the fightbr  
Still I always feelbr  
This strange estrangementbr  
Nothing here is realbr  
Nothing here is right!"/i  
With this, Duo performed a high kick and pranced about the Gundam boys while mouthing the words.i"I've been making shows of trading showsbr  
Just hoping no one knowsbr  
That I've beenbr  
Going through the motionsbr  
Walking through the partbr  
Nothing seems to penetrate my heart!"br  
Duo grabbed onto the recovered and now raging Wufei's shoulders and raised his head as the word 'heart' rung out.  
p  
While this was occurring, Heero crept into Duo's vacant room and searched for clues to Duo's...strange behaviour, because Heero secretly wanted to be a member of The Scooby Gang. Oh how Scooby made him laugh. While scanning, Heero caught glimpse of an open CD case and inspected it.br  
" 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer - Once more, with Feeling' " Heero murmered to himself.br  
'Obviously this "Buffy" is trying to possess Duo with her evil vampire ways and therefore must be destroyed!' Heero thought, jumping to the most *logical* conclusion. As always.br  
Heero looked around the room frantically, he always remembered the one saying Dr J would tell him as a boy - "BOY! Pass me that sauce! These fries are /b" Heero spotted what he considered 'the source' straight a way and pulled his loaded gun out and pointed.  
p  
At this time, Duo was up to the lines of:i" -Whatever.br  
I don't want to bebr  
going through the motionsbr  
Losing all my drivebr  
I can't even see if this is really mebr  
And I just want to bebr  
Duo stood in front of his open door and raised his arms in the air. Duo then opened his eyes./b" shrieked Duo and he rushed in front of the CD player Heero was targetting.br  
"Do it, Yuy! /b it!" cheered Wufei, grinning maliciously.br  
Luckily for everyone, alarms of trouble went off in Quatre's head and he jumped to his feet. "HEERO YUY! DUO MAXWELL! JUST WHAT DO YOU *THINK* YOU'RE DOING?!" Quatre screeched as he marched into Duo's room with his hands on his hips. Trowa followed and turned off the CD player. Duo opened his mouth in protest but a glare from Quatre made him close it.br  
"OooOOoohh! You're gonna get it now, Maxwell!" said Wufei, his eyes glinting in pure glee.br  
"GO TO YOUR ROOM WUFEI!" Quatre, Trowa and Heero shouted.  
Wufei hung his head and dragged his feet to his room and slammed the door.br  
Suddenly, Quatre went into **ultra-polite** mode - "Now, shall we go down stairs and discuss this like adults over a nice bowl of Coco Pops?" he asked, although it wasn't really a question, more a demand, but he clapped his hands and beamed none the less.br  
Heero scowled. Duo moaned "But I don't *like* Coco-" but was cut off.br  
"I /b, lets go downstairs and discuss it over Coco Pops!" A more venomous tone entering Quatre's voice.br  
Duo and Heero knew when not to argue with a Quatre and obediently followed him and Trowa into the kitchen.  
p  
"Ok, so thats settled! Splendid!" rejoyced Quatre. "Duo will never EVER listen to that CD again, and Heero will carry a water pistol instead of a gun from now on!" Quatre wrinkled his nose in a cute way and smiled at the group, his one of many weapons to force people to agree with his terms. Trowa nodded in agreement and returned the smile; when Quatre was happy, Trowa was happy. Heero looked at his new plastic water gun in disgust but nodded as he slipped them into his pants. Duo stared sulkily at his soggy Coco Pops./b" Quatre inquired, threatening tone appearing again.br  
"Yes M'am" mumbled Duo, flicking bits of cereal off the table.  
p  
Three days later, at around midday, Heero was polishing his water pistol, Trowa reading, Quatre asleep, and Wufei was listening to his "The Sound of Music - performed by Dolphins and Whales" CD quite peacefully in his room.br  
Or so he thought.br  
In a matter of seconds Wufei had crawled into a corner and was screaming like a little sissy girl.br  
Duo was sporting a pair of golden-framed glasses that he must of stolen from Quatre and with that, a white cotton shirt and black tie. Over that was a grey waistcoat and grey trousers to match. The moans and clicks of the sea mammals had been replaced with the following that Duo mouthed the words to:i"I've got a theorybr  
That its a demonbr  
A dancing demon - nyehh, something isn't right there"br  
In a flash, Duo had whipped on a long indigo skirt, a red wooly top with balls of some sort stuffed up it; and a red-haired wig:i"I've got a theory,br  
Some kid is dreamin'br  
And we're all stuck in his crazy Broadway nightmare."/i  
Wufei started to whimper and rock to and fro in a corner as Duo skipped around his room singing:i"It could be witchesbr  
Some evil witchesbr  
Which is ridiculous cause witches they were persecuted wicca good and love the earth and women powerbr  
and I'll be over here."p  
Rushing footsteps were heard going up the stairs, and a loud beeping. Suddenly, the door blew off its hinges and Heero and Trowa stood dramatically in the midst of the dust that swam in the air.br  
"YOU CAME! OH THANK GOD YOU CAME!" sobbed Wufei and he latched onto Trowa's shirt as he started to whimper uncontrollably. Heero appraoched the now Anya-dressed Duo cautiously.br  
"Duo, give up the CD..." he said.br  
Duo's reply was:i"And whats with all the carrotsbr  
What do they need such good eyesight for anywaybr  
Bunnies, bunniesbr  
it must be bunnies!"/i  
In these few seconds, Trowa had managed to slap Wufei several times and tell him to 'pull himself together man!' And he was now advancing upon Duo from the behind.br  
But just as Heero gave the sign for Trowa to grab him, Duo sprang like a rabbit out of the room.br  
"Blast it!" Heero cursed as he sprinted after the bunny Duo. No sign of Duo showed on the first floor simply by glancing.br  
"Alright, Wufei, you check the downstairs..."br  
"NO! NO! DON'T LET ME GO ALONE!! /b" Wufei flopped onto his knees and pawed at Heero's legs, babbling endlessly. With rolling eyes - "Trowa, you go down with Wufei..." Heero rotated round and looked dramatically at his area - "I'll check this floor."  
p  
Heero checked Duo's room (because our Heero has some common sense or at least went out and bought some since the last time he self-destructed.) Finding nothing, he checked the other boys bedrooms and the bathroom and the one room left was his own.br  
A single bead of sweat slid down his cheek as he pushed the suddenly-creaky-to-give-off-creepy-oompa-loompa-vibe door.br   
As everyone predicted several paragraphs ago, there stood Duo. His hair hung loose and created a curtain around his face as his head was bowed.  
"Duo..." murmered Heero, his eyes going all shiny and wobbly like in those cartoons.br  
Duo's head slowly rose and revealed a pleasant smile on his face with a loving look directed at Heero. Heero blushed. As we *all* know that Duo is the only one to make Heero melt. Duo inhaled and his mouth formed the words:i"I lived my life in shadowbr  
Never the sun on my facebr  
It didn't seem so bad thoughbr  
I figured that was my place"/i  
Duo rose his arms in the air and a piece of sunlight shone on him conveniently.i"Now I'm bathed in lightbr  
Something just isn't right."/i  
Duo swayed up to Heero and placed his arm on his shoulder. Heero flinched only slightly, but his feet were planted quite firmly.i"I'm under your spellbr  
How else could it bebr  
Anyone would notice mebr  
Its magic I can tellbr  
How you set me freebr  
Brought me out so easily!"/i  
With this, Duo's head tilted and he was met with Heero's lips on his own.br  
Luckily, (or not, for slash fans *nudge nudge* *wink wink* *giggle giggle*) Trowa saw the scene as he came back up the stairs and hurtled at Heero so the two kissing became seperated.br  
Duo huffed and placed his hands on his hips - "Hey! MEAN!" Duo tried to exit but was blocked by Wufei cowering behind a certain furious blonde. Quatre raised an eyebrow "Well?" br  
Duo grinned sheepishly, but there was something 'not quite right' about that grin. Quatre's eyes widened. "TROWA! DUO'S POSSESSED!" Trowa stood up carrying Heero in his arms.br  
"I know. Heero and he were kissing, but I think I got Heero a way before he got infected..." br  
Quatre placed a hand on Heero's forehead "He should be alright. A few hours sleep will get him back to normal."br  
Trowa slipped through the door to place Heero on the couch on the floor below.br  
Quatre pivoted on the spot "As for you..." Duo's grin turned into a hiss and his eyes turned fiery orange.br   
"You can't stop me from playing these songs! I will haunt this house until you all go insane...or move out...but preferably go insane!" Possessed-Duo cackled and melted into the floor.br  
Wufei made a clicking noise with his teeth in disgust. "Talk about ANTI-CLIMACTIC!" he ended, shouting at the walls; his confidence (obviously) fully returned.br  
Duo appeared out of a wall behind Wufei and in a flash had jumped over him, turned to face him and planted a big wet smackeroonie on his lips. Duo grinned, baring fangs and winked at Wufei before sizzling into nothing.br  
Wufei bawled "INJUSTICE!!" as he sprinted to the bathroom to scrub the skin off his lips. Repeatedly.  
p  
Trowa and Quatre sat at the kitchen table each rubbing their chins in deep deep thought. 'Now, how to stop this evil rampaging Duo...?' Quatre was asking himself for the hundredth time.br  
"Hey guys, do you know what goes well with apple pie?" Wufei asked his fellow pilots, his lips looking ruby red.br  
Trowa glared "Can't you see that Quatre is *thinking*?!?" Trowa frantically gestured to Quatre.br  
"Geez, soooOOOOooorrrry! By the way, how come when Heero was kissed he got knocked out, but when I was kissed" he cringed at the memory "I was fine?" asked Wufei. Trowa opened his mouth to answer, but like an angel sent, so the author didn't have to make up excuses for her silly ways; a murmering came from the living room.br  
"Source....source....FIND the SOURCE!" Heero twisted on the couch in frustration, his eyes squeezed shut.br  
Quatre blinked out of his trance and snapped "What did he say??"br  
"Something about finding the source...?" Both Trowa and Quatre looked at eachother and grinned. In a matter of seconds they had ran up the stairs while Wufei exited the kitchen.br  
"Hey, Yuy was right!" Wufei munched "This HP brown sauce stuff DOES go good with apple pie!"   
p  
After several minutes of hunting in Duo's room, Trowa and Quatre found their bounty. They stared in curiousity at the innocent looking CD. Trowa dropped it on the floor and stamped on it several thousand times until all but a pile of dust remained. Trowa wiped his hands and said "And thats the end of that chapter..." Quatre and Trowa chuckled when a tremendous boom shook the whole house and a piano melody began to play.  
p  
The two G-boys sped down the stairs to find Heero wide awake, but something certainly wasn't right.i"I touch the fire and it freezes mebr  
I look into it and its blackbr  
Why can't I feel?br  
My skin should crack and peelbr  
I want the fire back."/i  
Heero walked out of the house, the other three boys followed and gaped at the Heero climbing up the house's drain pipe, too dumbfounded to shout or go after him.  
p  
Heero's feet padded across the slate roof, very much adapted to the change in height. In the centre of the roof stood Duo. Well, possessed Duo, sheilding his eyes from the setting sun. Duo's ears picked up the footsteps, and turned with a smug smile placed on his face.i"Why'd you run awaybr  
Don't you like my style?br  
Why don't you come and playbr  
I guarantee a great big smile"/i  
He waltzed up to Heero, his hips swaying to the rhythm. By this time, Trowa and Quatre had come to their senses and scaled the house. Wufei said something about more pie and walked back inside.br  
Quatre gaped - "Why are you still here?" he managed to say.br  
Duo chuckled and placed his hand to his mouth "heh...isn't it funny? When the source you've been looking for, isn't the actual source at all?"br  
"Aw dammit!" cursed Wufei, who had (amazingly) climbed the house in a few seconds and was now staring at his new piece of pie smothered in brown sauce.br  
The group cringed.br  
The music that had seemed to filter off, came back with a vengeance, but a different beat rung through the air. And even Duo looked suprised. Heero's mouth now formed the words.i"I diedbr  
So many years agobr  
And you can make me feelbr  
Like it isn't so"/i  
Duo snarled, and his own music blared against Heero's.i"So what'd you saybr  
Why don't we dance a while?br  
I'm the heart of swingbr  
I'm the twist and shoutbr  
When you gotta singbr  
When you gotta let it out!"/i  
Heero stepped towards Duo, over the plane of slate.i"But why you come to be with mebr  
I think I finally know."/i  
Heero brushed his fingers gently against Duo's chin, and a flicker of the real Duo passed across his eyes.i"You're scaredbr  
Ashamed of what you feelbr  
And you can't tell the ones you lovebr  
You know they couldn't deal."/i  
Duo mustered up his strength, although Heero's simple prescence made his voice waver as he sang:i"You call me and I come a-runnin'br  
I turn the music on - I bring the fun,br  
Now we're partying - thats what its all about about!"p  
This onslaught of lyrics and music continued, with one lyric pumelling another. The other G-boys stared at the scene helplessly.br  
Trowa turned his head to Wufei who wiped some brown sauce from the corner of his lips after some signalling from Quatre.br  
"I don't get it, I mean, first Heero was weakened by Duo, but now *Duo* is weakened by *Heero*?! And how come Heero started singing too, huh? HUH?! And...and...how come in every fanfic I appear in I'm made a COMPLETE FOOL OF AND HAVE TO BE EMBARASSED AS /b" Wufei breathed heavily. Clearly he'd been pondering this for a while.br   
An ear piece buzzed in Trowa's ear lobe. If you had been Heero, with oh so cool superhuman abilities, you would of heard - "The child knows too much. Eliminate him." Trowa fully turned towards Wufei, placed his hands firmly on his shoulders and grinned menacingly.  
p  
Meanwhile, Duo's legs trembled as Heero wrapped his arms around him.i"So let me rest in peacebr  
Let me get some sleepbr  
Let me take my love and bury itbr  
In a hole six foot deepbr  
I can lay my body downbr  
But I can't find my sweet releasebr  
So let me rest in peace..."/i  
Duo attempted feebly, knowing victory had already been dealt.i"Now we're partyingbr  
Thats what its all about."/i  
Heero caught Duo's mouth in a passionate kiss, his hands reaching into Duo's flowing hair, feeling like silk to his fingers. Minutes went past till the two forms slowly seperated.br  
Heero grinned, and between his teeth, there it stood. 'The Buffy Musical-Backup' on cassette. Heero bit down on the tape with an almighty crunch and swallowed the pieces of tape in one gulp.br  
The shade of orange dissolved from Duo's eyes, leaving the liquid lilac staring up at Heero. Duo sighed in relief, a content smile in place as he swayed on his feet to be caught by the Perfect Soldier.  
p  
Two days later, everything was pretty much back to normal in the house of the Gundam boys. If normal is Wufei sitting with multiple bandages tied around various parts of his body reading the paper and sipping black coffee at the table. Duo had his head propped against Heero's shoulder, for he was still weak from that whole 'being possessed thing'. Heero didn't seem to mind as he posted a message on the Buffy fan board, warning others of the terrible powers the CD had. Quatre and Trowa were fine and dandy, although Trowa looked at Wufei slyly from time to time as his ear piece buzzed.br  
And Wufei suddenly found his mouth open:i"Where do we go from here?"/i  
Wufei's eyes bugged out and he stared in horror at what he'd just said.br  
Trowa and Quatre looked at each other, puzzled, as they sang:i"Where do we go from here?"/i  
Heero stood up.i"The battles done and we kind of won...br  
Duo joined Heero:i"So we sound our victory cheerbr  
Where do we go from here...?"p  
And I'm sure all Buffy fans know what happened after they sang their Buffy song there.br  
Thats right.br  
They sang Buffy musical songs for eternity. As did everyone in the entire world because they all ignored the silly little comment that 'PerfectSoldier56480' left on the Buffy fan board and bought the CD anyway.br  
Oh,...hasn't the fandom spread to you yet?br  
Oh it will, just wait till one of your friends comes round for a leetle sleepover, harping on about this spectacular CD she/he just bought, and you, being oblivious to the curse will listen, and you'll be caught. As will your family. The rest of your friends. Even your pets. Thats right, even little George the goldfish is in danger. So maybe next time you read a fanfic by a deranged girl, you shouldn't take it so lightly and heed her warning. Its coming. Run. Hide. Bolt up the doors.br  
And remember: Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Gundam Wing are great TV shows, dude!  
p  
Note: Anything that Claire says is usually a pathetic attempt at being humorous, so feel free to ignore her. 


End file.
